Normally, this is the kind of movie that I'll watch 5
minutes of when it comes on cable and then quickly move on. But Mike
was in town and Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme are his fav's.
So being a good host, I took him to the most rundown theatre in Baton
Rouge where even the concession stand wasn't open. There were 4 people
in the theatre including us. The projector was whacked out in some
way such that the film was slightly out of focus and distorted. Or
maybe it was just Steven Seagal who was slightly out of focus and distorted.
Seagal has had somewhat successful movie career despite the fact that his
acting skills lie somewhere between Schwarzenegger and Van Damme. His one
big box office movie was Under
Siege which was also by far the best movie he has done. It has
been all downhill since then and Exit Wounds represents a
new low for movies that I have reviewed. This movie is bad in just
about any category that you can think of. Exit Wounds is the
story of a rogue cop (Seagal) who despite singlehandedly saving the life
of the Vice President is banished to the worst precinct in one of the worst
cities (Detroit) in the country. He is in the new precinct for about
5 minutes before he discovers a bunch of "bad" cops. I could go on
but I wouldn't want to spoil it for you. There are some familiar
faces. The precinct commander is played by Jill Hennesy, who looks
like she can't believe she gave up Law
& Order for this. And Seagal's mentor is Bruce McGill, another
candidate for busiest man in Hollywood. Even more disturbing than
how far Seagal has fallen, is how far Tom Arnold has fallen. In Exit
Wounds, he is is supposed to be the comic relief, playing a Howard-Stern-type
host who meets Seagal in an anger management class. However, his appearance
brings no relief particularly during a horribly unfunny racist bit that
plays through the ending credits. Since it played during the credits,
perhaps it was supposed to be an outtake. But since this whole movie,
directed by cinematographer Andrzej Bartkowiak, plays like a series of
outtakes, it is impossible to tell. I knew it was going to be a "bad"
movie when I saw that Seagal's boss was being played by Bill Duke, forever
famous for the role of Mac in Predator.
Predator is also a "bad"
movie but the difference is that it is a very enjoyable movie to
watch. Exit Wounds is just bad.